Stair way to famous youtubers
Everyone was scared to go up there but I wasn't I said out loud I AM A BEAST! When I was going up I was so scared but I was keep on whispering to myself im a beast, im a beast. Looking down and everyone looking at me I took my last step up and I heard someone say my name ''Jordan welcome'' And a door opened up and I saw my favorite youtubers. And for some reason everything disappeared the light was so bright and boom my mom yelling time to get up for school.
I don't think you need your first sentence. Make sure to start a new line every time someone speaks and make sure to add quotation marks before and after someone speaks. Remember to capitalize your "I's"
ReplyDeleteAlso, you need comma after 'up' in the third sentence.
Another thing is you said 'I was so scared but i was keep on whispering to myself im a beast, im a beast" You need to start a new line when you are telling yourself this. You need to add an apostrophe in "I'm" Try not to start a sentence with 'and' you also need a period after disappeared. Creative story though!
Good story but I don't get you first sentence. I agree with stitch about your I's . Also you need.
ReplyDeleteClean up the first sentence and there a couple I's you need to capitalize. Other than that sick story.
ReplyDeleteYou need to add " when your mom is waking you up since its a speaking line. You also have some I's you need to capitalize.
ReplyDeleteYou have a lot of punctuation errors. Do you know the dictionary definition of beast?
ReplyDeletebeast, noun
1.
any nonhuman animal, especially a large, four-footed mammal.
You might want to take the "I'm a beast" parts out of your story.