One early morning, my friend called me and said, "Have you ever heard about the mountain, Mountain Dew?" he exclaimed.
I replied, " No!"
The following day we still decided to go hiking up Mountain Dew. Once we were there the sign greeted us and said Welcome to Mountain Dew.
The mountain was red and hard to climb up. We bought hot chocolate and it felt magical it was scrumptious and it made us fly to the top of the mountain. Once we got up, there was a red umbrella. We grabbed it and floated away. We floated up high into the sky and through all the fluffy white clouds. We floated past all the bright yellow stars in the sky. We floated so high up that we never came down.
The ending of your story was so great!,but at the same time confusing. How did the umbrella get there? Also work on your beggining sentance, I think it could be way stronger.
ReplyDeleteYou might want to read over your story it's bit confusing to me. your sentence beggining could be improved rather than 3 or 4 letter words. You might want to use some powerful language to improve your story. Otherwise it's good.
ReplyDeleteThe part where it says that your friend was sick so you went hiking anyway confused me because it said go twice. Also, you might want to add how the red umbrella got there. The ending was very creative.
ReplyDeleteGood story. One thing I would have to say is to work on your grammer and punctuation. Also, I would read your story out loud to someone and find the mistakes.
ReplyDelete