the door opened and there it was
Slashing through the jungle, sweat dripping from my face. I take another slash and suddenly, I was hitting a metal door. The door opened and there it was. I was so relieved I wasn't the only human on the planet anymore. Once I got in it felt really weird like they were my boss and controlling me. I tried to leave but they didn't let me.
I'm a little confused at the end because you said that you found other humans and they were controlling you, why were they controlling you?, why were you the last person on earth?, you said you opened the door and there IT was, that means One noun. Also try to have stronger words at the begging of a sentence so it catches the readers eye.
ReplyDeleteI got a confused in the ending because "it" means it is singular but you said that "they were my boss" so you might want to fix that up. You also might want to tell the readers why it felt like they were controlling you. Try to use stronger words in your story. Also, I think you are supposed to use the prompt in the middle of the sentence and not in the beginning of a sentence. Very creative story, keep it up!
ReplyDeleteThe relief that was felt when finding fellow humans sure didnt last long!!! I wonder if they were really controlling you or if it was in your head?!?! The story really left me wanting more! It is a great intro to a mystery/scary type of novel. Good work Jordan.
ReplyDeleteI am getting a little confused on your story. Also the teacher said for the prompt there has to be something before it and after it. Well done.
ReplyDeleteGreat descriptive words to start off your writing but your first line is just descriptive words and not a complete sentence. Perhaps adding your first two lines together with a little revising and you will have an awesome lead sentence. Make sure it is your own original ideas as your story sounds much like the Maze Runner's ending. Much better on capitals and periods this week.
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