Wednesday 24 February 2016

Driving off road and suddenly a red light started to flash in the car. It said we needed gas. we saw a little gas station in a small hippy town. I saw a little paper that said dance competition I bring it home to my son and he joined. It was likely for him to win but he came in second. we brought home 500$ but his brother was not there he was at swimming. the money was a big green cheque
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4 comments:

  1. SoccerLover25 February 2016 at 19:29

    Cool story but it's a bit choppy. Also, some beginnings of the sentences need capitals, And you don't have the word 'dancer'.

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  2. Unknown25 February 2016 at 20:01

    Good story but you need the word 'dancer' in the story. The dollar sign should be before the number and you need to fix a few punctuation mistakes. After ' his brother was not there.' you need a comma. You could take out some ' I saw' parts and use more powerful words.

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  3. Unknown27 February 2016 at 12:56

    Be sure to use the feedback given to you by your peers. They have some valid comments that will help to improve your writing. I agree that your story is choppy and you can work on fluency with your story and sentences. Don't forget to check over your punctuation for capitals and periods.

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  4. Unknown28 February 2016 at 20:43

    You should check over your punctuation on your story. Your story doesn't really flow very good so be sure to check over your story!

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