Wednesday 20 April 2016
I was sleeping and suddenly I woke up sweating and nervous. All I could remember is that I put my hand in the box and felt. I couldn't remember I had this blur I felt really tired and I just dropped to the floor I was in my dream again and I saw the box. I went up to it and I put my hand in the box. I felt a bite on my hands and then I woke up again. When I woke up i was on the ground I got up and I didn't remember anything. I looked at my hand and I was bleeding.
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One your first sentence you have to capitalize your I and you have lot of I's in your story you might want to improve on that.
ReplyDeleteI'm curious to know if the box was real, or it was just in your dream. If it was just in your dream, how did you end up bleeding when you woke up. I like that it's mysterious, but maybe you could try to hint at what might have happened...
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story and your story was very creative. It just got a little confusing and it was hard to follow at some points. Also, remember to look for grammar and punctuation. Good story though!
ReplyDeleteYour story is really cool! But you do need to capitalize you i's and check over punctuation.
ReplyDeleteYour story is really creative but I think you should get rid of some of your "I's" so it doesn't get repetitive. Also, you should say what you felt after you put your hand in the box. Remember to check over your grammar and punctuation.
ReplyDeleteOk, so your story is confusing you say in the begging you got mocked out and then it happens
ReplyDeleteNice story remember to check punctuation.
ReplyDeleteCheck your grammar. I like your story though.
ReplyDelete