Thursday 5 May 2016

My brother and I were at the movies watching a really scary movie.My brother was only 8 and I warned him it is scary but he begged me and begged me all day so I said fine! We finally stepped in the movie room and my brother was already scared. The lights suddenly  turned off and there was a jump scare. I jumped off my chair and I started to cry. My brother was laughing at me and we had to leave. And when were we leaving we heard a loud whale sound that sounded like HUHHHHHHH. I got scared again and my brother said IM A BEAST and I said lets get out of here.
Posted by at

3 comments:

  1. Bob5 May 2016 at 15:41

    good story but your story is very repetitive and some part are very choppy in your story. You might want to add more Descriptiv language in your story. other wise you story is good.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Unknown6 May 2016 at 17:38

    In your second sentence replace the word 'is' with 'was' to make it sound better and it also makes more sense. Remember to start a new line every time a character speaks. The ending of your story doesn't really make sense, also, you should add more descriptive words in your story so the reader could picture what's happening. You should take out the word 'and' in your seventh sentence and just start with the word 'when' Creative story though.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Unknown8 May 2016 at 08:39

    I like how you started with your brother being the one who was scared, but turned it around so you were the one who ended up scared.

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)